a blog about Kilt and her kids plus Trouble our JRT mascot.

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Sequim, Washington, United States

Saturday, April 15, 2017

Sweet dreams

It is hard waking up night after night thinking about my husband who I loved so much. It's important when the chips are down, to be good to yourself. I do have common sense. Yes, I should have left Wayne years ago, but I honored our wedding vows and loved him to a fault.

Don't get me wrong. I'm still pissed that he couldn't be truthful face to face. I'm surprised he didn't text me asking for a divorce.  He never did say he was seeing someone else, but I knew in my heart the truth. All the signals were loud and clear.

So the therapist is looking to see why I hung in there so long. My first marriage ended in divorce after 9 years. I was too immature. It was my fault. I honestly didn't even think I would have to work for a living. I never saw my mother work a day in her life. Kind of funny when I think about it now. I got married at 19 and finished my BA. I dabbled in art selling paintings, but no real income.

All water under the bridge now. No reason for me to continue treading water. I need to SWIM. And, swim I will. I have always been a good swimmer. I just didn't know it. I have always been a strong woman. I just didn't know it. I need to believe in myself.

Coming to the PNW has been the most healing thing I have ever done for myself. I have the most awesome nature surrounding me like a cocoon wrapping me in its' arms.  My new friends are supportive and caring. I have opened my arms to new experiences. 

Last night a friend, a Master crystal bowl player, and recording artist/ singer invited me to a concert that she gave at the old Dungeness School House. The acoustics in the school house are amazing. Some say it is haunted. 
There was just a handful of people there. Sophia encouraged me to lie down on the Persian rug in front of the 15 bowls and chimes, bells, etc etc that were set up. It was awesome. I drifted in and out of a blissful sleep listening to the beautiful sounds of the bowls, chimes, and Sofia's singing. She has the most melodic, haunting voice I have ever heard.

I came home and slept like a baby. I gave myself permission to postpone my trip for a day so not to pressure myself with last minute packing. It's important when the chips are down, to be good to yourself. I slept like a rock last night. It was nice not to wake up thinking about the last decades with a man that had an addiction that would eventually destroy our partnership and dreams.

I am eating well, drinking plenty of water, exercising and managing to stay afloat. The real stress will come during the first week of May, the first court hearing. My attorney said I don't have to come. He likened it to as almost as much fun as having a root canal. But, I can endure pain. I am going.

Until then, I am heading out on a road trip through Oregon, Northern Nevada, and Northern California with my fur friends in our 20 foot RV.  Hopefully, I will have happy things to share and blog about.... 

                                             Until then, Happy Trails 😍

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