a blog about Kilt and her kids plus Trouble our JRT mascot.

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Sequim, Washington, United States

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Pawsitivity

Whatever I am thinking, I am attracting.  If you see it in you mind, you are going to hold it in your hand.  It's the law of positivity (pawsitivity, if you like).
I meditate a lot these days.  I find it brings me great joy and peace.

I can only take care of myself.  I can care for others by bringing positive energy into their lives, but I can't change their thinking or what they are feeling.  Those that concentrate on the negative, feed themselves with the negative.  It's all about 'The energy.' The GOOD energy.

These days I concentrate on what I would like to do.  I try to dismiss negative thinking.  Negative thoughts usually bring back to you the very negative things you don't want.  Sound like mumbo jumbo?  Maybe, but it certainly has been working for me this year.

It's hard not to think negative thoughts about Wayne, so negative is exactly what I am getting.  I am trying to think only about positive thoughts.  It remains to be seen if this is going to work for me.  There was a reason we had a sign over our bedroom door that said 'Good morning God" and "Good God it's morning." I'm sure you can tell the first phrase relates to me, the second to him.

I have always been a happy person even with my life crumbling around me (Or it may have seemed to be crumbling around me).  But, even enduring cancer, chemo and radiation, I found positive ways to bring energy to myself and others.  I repeat, "It's all about The Energy."

Looking to the future, I feel as though I would like to travel around the United States.  I would like to make this a reality.  I have friends just about everywhere around the country.  I love to drive.  My hobby, other than my dogs, is taking photographs.  I would like to see some of the National Parks I haven't had a chance to visit yet.  Maybe I could take a dog or two and hit some trials with The Champster while we are on the road.

What about the home front?  What about your husband?  I'm not sure at this time.  I do know it will all work out.  My only road blocks would be negative thinking.  Set your sights a little higher....Haha A favorite saying of one of my friends.  So in accordance, I will.  Stay tuned.

For now, I will just let the energies flow.  I'm not on a time table.  Things will come to me as they are needed.  I will just stay happy and energized and we will see what happens :0)




Sunday, January 8, 2017

Another birthday....

Hard to believe I will 67 yrs. old January 19th.  I guess my birthday present this year was getting some great Eagle photos last week.  I used my Canon Rebel kit lens, because that's the only zoom lens I own.  Luck was with me and I got some nice photographs.
Meanwhile my first new expensive macro/portrait lens I didn't have for a week when a toddler through a handful of rocks at my camera chipping the lens.  Thank-you Jesus, I had insurance.  But, you know how long it takes to replace items.  It should be coming sometime this month from B and H Camera.  Dang, I sure would have liked to have had it over Christmas.  C'est la vie.
I love photography.  I find it so relaxing to take a few hours to go shoot anything that looks interesting.  It's very meditative for me plus I love meeting people and seeing new places.



How cold has it been?  Too damn cold.  Last winter it was really mild.  I don't think we ever got below 30 degrees.  This winter we have had our fair share of snow for Sequim while getting into the teens a few times.  Once it gets below 30 degrees, Trouble and I aren't happy.
The other day I walked Champ to the local park.  You can see just how ICY cold it was outside.



  The other day I dropped by Jamestown Beach, minutes from my house. Lo and behold there were hundreds of Brants feeding.  They are a small billed Goose that is a common local winter resident here.  In the background is Mount Baker.



We have lots of varieties of Sea Gulls here.  I enjoy feeding them while watching their antics.


I just had my 9th colonoscopy.  Can you imagine!  How friggin' AWFUL is that?  Count your lucky stars.  This is when I wish I had a different type of cancer other than the one I had where the sun don't shine.  Lordy.  Anyway, they removed a precancerous polyp and said we will see you back here again in 2 years.  TWO years?  No break for me.  Well, I guess I have received a break.  I have been in remission for 8 years.

Off to Seattle for surgery in a few days.  Hey, this getting older really isn't for sissies!  They are going to remove a small endometrial mass.  My neighbor is going to drive me and my friend, Bonnie is going to care for the dogs for me.  Thank goodness for good neighbors and friends!

Now these 3 knuckleheads LOVE the snow.  Well, they pretty much LOVE everything about life.  I guess that's where I get my optimism from....them!  It's hard to believe that Kilt will be 13 yrs. old, Yoko turns 9 yrs. old on my birthday, and Champ just turned 5 yrs. old.  Plus, Trouble will be 15 yrs. old in May.  None of us are getting younger.  I see all of my friends getting pups, but my inner voice tells me I'm getting a bit too old to add another canine to my crew.  That kind of sucks, doesn't it.  Oh well.  It's a fact.



I finally sold my Ducks.  It's the first time I have ever placed an ad on Craig's list.  A lovely couple from Port Angeles with an English Shepherd bought them.  Just as well, they were pretty pen sour and this one particular Drake liked to give Champ a hard time.  Plus, I'm kind of glad that they are gone, because they were a lot of work in the snow and cold weather.  I'll pick up some new poultry maybe this spring.


I'm already for Spring.  LOL  I know, I know.  It's still January :0(



Yeah, Trouble is still here.  Not the greatest photo, but she isn't happy about the weather.  Snow and temps in the 30's she can handle.  But, when it got into the 20's, she said, "This is Bullshit." She has a heat disc that I warm for her every day.  I put it on the couch with a blanket over it and there she sits.

We are both waiting for warmer weather :0)  Time to thaw.















Saturday, December 31, 2016

Oh shit, Oh dear

It's the New Year!

Hard to believe I have been in Sequim for 3 years now.  I believe I am destined to live alone.  That's sad in that I have so much love and laughter to share.  Oh well.  I will just have to spread my joy volunteering in my community.

I will try to save my pennies to travel more this year.  I have two decent lenses now, a portrait lens and a wide angle lens.  I hope to have a good zoom lens to add to my others.  I'm trying to learn photoshop.  That should keep me busy until I die. LOL

It's also hard to believe that Champ turned 5 yrs old Dec.19th and his mother, Kilt will be 13 this year.  It's almost even harder to believe that I will be 67 and Yoko 9 on Jan. 19th.  And, don't forget Trouble who will be 15 yrs. old in May.  You just don't believe you will get old when you are younger.  It's so weird.

The hardest thing for me being alone on acreage is finding dog sitters when I really need them.  I have a few medical procedures coming up.  Neighbors and friends are driving me and others are caring for my dogs for me. Phew.  I am so very grateful.  It's a lot of work on a 5 acre hillside for me. It will either keep me young or kill me :0)

Remember folks, life is short.  It is what you make of it.  Do your very best to spread a kind word or two and give out smiles freely.  Try not to be impatient and don't be bitter.  Sometimes stuff is out of our control.  I don't like that, but that's life in a nutshell.  Make positive changes for the new year.  I continue on my journey to get rid of "stuff."  I didn't do so well last year because I had so much emotional baggage to deal with.  At least that's my excuse.  Haha  I plan on doing better this year!

Wishing all of my family and friends the very Best in 2017!  The coffee is hot and the front door is open.  I love visitors.  Don't be a stranger!   XXXOOO












Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Another Christmas in the books....

1. First, check yourself. Do they really need help, or are you pushing some agenda subconsciously or otherwise? Second, let them know you’re there. Third, give them an example to follow. ~Carl B Salazar
2. People have to come to where they need to be to get their lessons. You can’t help someone who is not willing. But you can love them through it. Send light and love and hold them in your heart space. I had to hit my own bottom and dead end to turn around and climb back up…when I was ready and willing. ~Karen Blake
3. We can stop judging people, assuming that they are not helping themselves. Perhaps the helplessness is the sign of their being out of their comfort zone. If we want to help, we can do some positive things like: Give some encouragement or discuss the situation with them and let their own intuition discover the best way to help themselves. ~Santosh Nag
4. Examine your attachment to their choices. Their challenges and choices are their life lessons, not yours. Is your wanting to help them saying something about you that you need to learn? ~Susan McCourt
5. You can help them by just being there and being supportive. You can still plant seeds. Most minds are so conditioned it is almost impossible to shed any light on their world. So just smile, nod, suggest, and if it does not help then move on with no regret because you tried. ~Skip Blankley
6. Don’t enable them. Put the tools in their hands to help themselves, show them how to use them, step back, and be there when they trip. Love them when they fall. Repeat repeatedly. ~Crystal Boudreau
7. You can’t make people be what you want them to be and you can’t decide what is best for them. You can only choose for yourself. There is a huge difference between can’t and won’tCan’t might be open to help. Won’t can’t be your problem. The best thing is won’t might not always be won’t. Hope for that. ~ Melodee Luka Kardash
8. Love them until they learn to love themselves. ~ Amber Weinacht
9. Stop trying to make them live as you think they should…How others live is not for us to control, but to learn from. ~ Crystal Sverdsten
10. Let go. They have to help themselves and accept responsibility. ~Viengxay Jimenez
11. Their path is not yours to blaze, and who’s to say they’re not exactly where they need to be at this very moment? ~Fiona Berger Maione
12. Focus on your own well being (boundaries) so that you can provide stable support when they ask for help. Allow them their process no matter how difficult it is to watch. It is neither our right or responsibility to manipulate their journey. ~Robyn Williams
13. People who won’t help themselves usually don’t trust others or themselves. Until they do, help them along by being a friend, but don’t engage in crazy behavior with them. ~Jerelyn Allen
14. How do we know, when we’re in our own little egos, that that person isn’t already doing their work? Sometimes, “helping” someone, means leaving them alone…sometimes, you help just by being yourself and healing your stuff so that others can see the change and know that it’s possible. The best way I’ve found to help others is to try and be as authentic as I possibly can. The rest, well, is just none of my business. ~Amy Scott
15. Don’t turn your back on them. Just accept them for who they are, flaws and all, then decide for yourself if it is worth it to you. If it is, patience is a virtue. If not, then keep a hand out but watch out for yourself as well. No need for two people who won’t help themselves. ~April Spears
16. Support is important. Talk to your friends don’t leave them when they go through hard times, you’ll need them when you’re going through a hard time. ~Rosemin Bhanji
17. Help them see how their actions impact others (children, spouse or parents). ~Eloise Cabral
18. Open the door. They’ll walk through it when they’re ready. ~Devon Palmer
19. Be a role model. Show them what life is like when you cultivate and cherish the self. ~Steven Lu
20. Stay strong! Use your strength to combat their weakness. It takes time. ~Laurie Stahl Sturgeon

"Their path is not yours to blaze."
How do you watch someone you care about deeply continue to self destruct?  I ask myself this question all of the time, Why am I in this position?  Why do I have to be so accepting?  I'm a pretty good person overall.  All I ever wanted was someone to deeply love and share my life with....
Wayne drove up for Christmas.  He arrived the night of the 22nd.  He could barely get up 7 steps.  He was so edematous he couldn't bend his legs to walk the steps.  He was wheezing.  He was in right sided heart failure.  He normally would take 40mg of lasix morning and night.  I gave him a little extra Magnesium and Potassium and upped his lasix to 120 mg. to get him a bit more comfortable for the night.  He normally weighs about 240 lbs.  My scale said 304 pounds. 
At 6 AM the next morning my son and grandson arrived.  We let Wayne sleep until about noon on the couch before taking him to be admitted to the Port Angeles hospital.  They diuersed him.  He is now down 40 lbs. in water weight.  His diabetes, of course, is not in any way, shape, or form under control.  He has a deep vein thrombosis in his left lower leg.  So a long with all of his heart medications and insulins he can now be on a blood thinner for 3 months. Ugh.
I am ANGRY.  I am so tired of preaching on DEAF ears. It makes it twice as hard for me being a nurse.  It is out of my control.  I like to be in control.  It is taking every ounce of meditation in me to be supportive, to be nurturing without enabling.  Sometimes, I just can't do it.  I just tell him, "Do you have a death wish?"  Don't you want to retire as a healthy person?"  Is 'letting go' divorcing him?  I'm not sure. 
I think they are releasing him from the hospital today.  Yesterday after the boys left, I pretty much stayed in bed all day, eating and watching movies. And, praying for some STRENGTH.
I'm just tired of caring.  Does that make me a bad person?  It's hard to draw the line of being supportive without caring. When does he hit rock bottom?  I so thought he would take care of himself after me taking the other two dogs, and selling our home.  But, I was wrong.  He says he misses me and the dogs.  He is due to retire in April.  What's a person to do......
I have no answers.