a blog about Kilt and her kids plus Trouble our JRT mascot.

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Sequim, Washington, United States

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Another Christmas in the books....

1. First, check yourself. Do they really need help, or are you pushing some agenda subconsciously or otherwise? Second, let them know you’re there. Third, give them an example to follow. ~Carl B Salazar
2. People have to come to where they need to be to get their lessons. You can’t help someone who is not willing. But you can love them through it. Send light and love and hold them in your heart space. I had to hit my own bottom and dead end to turn around and climb back up…when I was ready and willing. ~Karen Blake
3. We can stop judging people, assuming that they are not helping themselves. Perhaps the helplessness is the sign of their being out of their comfort zone. If we want to help, we can do some positive things like: Give some encouragement or discuss the situation with them and let their own intuition discover the best way to help themselves. ~Santosh Nag
4. Examine your attachment to their choices. Their challenges and choices are their life lessons, not yours. Is your wanting to help them saying something about you that you need to learn? ~Susan McCourt
5. You can help them by just being there and being supportive. You can still plant seeds. Most minds are so conditioned it is almost impossible to shed any light on their world. So just smile, nod, suggest, and if it does not help then move on with no regret because you tried. ~Skip Blankley
6. Don’t enable them. Put the tools in their hands to help themselves, show them how to use them, step back, and be there when they trip. Love them when they fall. Repeat repeatedly. ~Crystal Boudreau
7. You can’t make people be what you want them to be and you can’t decide what is best for them. You can only choose for yourself. There is a huge difference between can’t and won’tCan’t might be open to help. Won’t can’t be your problem. The best thing is won’t might not always be won’t. Hope for that. ~ Melodee Luka Kardash
8. Love them until they learn to love themselves. ~ Amber Weinacht
9. Stop trying to make them live as you think they should…How others live is not for us to control, but to learn from. ~ Crystal Sverdsten
10. Let go. They have to help themselves and accept responsibility. ~Viengxay Jimenez
11. Their path is not yours to blaze, and who’s to say they’re not exactly where they need to be at this very moment? ~Fiona Berger Maione
12. Focus on your own well being (boundaries) so that you can provide stable support when they ask for help. Allow them their process no matter how difficult it is to watch. It is neither our right or responsibility to manipulate their journey. ~Robyn Williams
13. People who won’t help themselves usually don’t trust others or themselves. Until they do, help them along by being a friend, but don’t engage in crazy behavior with them. ~Jerelyn Allen
14. How do we know, when we’re in our own little egos, that that person isn’t already doing their work? Sometimes, “helping” someone, means leaving them alone…sometimes, you help just by being yourself and healing your stuff so that others can see the change and know that it’s possible. The best way I’ve found to help others is to try and be as authentic as I possibly can. The rest, well, is just none of my business. ~Amy Scott
15. Don’t turn your back on them. Just accept them for who they are, flaws and all, then decide for yourself if it is worth it to you. If it is, patience is a virtue. If not, then keep a hand out but watch out for yourself as well. No need for two people who won’t help themselves. ~April Spears
16. Support is important. Talk to your friends don’t leave them when they go through hard times, you’ll need them when you’re going through a hard time. ~Rosemin Bhanji
17. Help them see how their actions impact others (children, spouse or parents). ~Eloise Cabral
18. Open the door. They’ll walk through it when they’re ready. ~Devon Palmer
19. Be a role model. Show them what life is like when you cultivate and cherish the self. ~Steven Lu
20. Stay strong! Use your strength to combat their weakness. It takes time. ~Laurie Stahl Sturgeon

"Their path is not yours to blaze."
How do you watch someone you care about deeply continue to self destruct?  I ask myself this question all of the time, Why am I in this position?  Why do I have to be so accepting?  I'm a pretty good person overall.  All I ever wanted was someone to deeply love and share my life with....
Wayne drove up for Christmas.  He arrived the night of the 22nd.  He could barely get up 7 steps.  He was so edematous he couldn't bend his legs to walk the steps.  He was wheezing.  He was in right sided heart failure.  He normally would take 40mg of lasix morning and night.  I gave him a little extra Magnesium and Potassium and upped his lasix to 120 mg. to get him a bit more comfortable for the night.  He normally weighs about 240 lbs.  My scale said 304 pounds. 
At 6 AM the next morning my son and grandson arrived.  We let Wayne sleep until about noon on the couch before taking him to be admitted to the Port Angeles hospital.  They diuersed him.  He is now down 40 lbs. in water weight.  His diabetes, of course, is not in any way, shape, or form under control.  He has a deep vein thrombosis in his left lower leg.  So a long with all of his heart medications and insulins he can now be on a blood thinner for 3 months. Ugh.
I am ANGRY.  I am so tired of preaching on DEAF ears. It makes it twice as hard for me being a nurse.  It is out of my control.  I like to be in control.  It is taking every ounce of meditation in me to be supportive, to be nurturing without enabling.  Sometimes, I just can't do it.  I just tell him, "Do you have a death wish?"  Don't you want to retire as a healthy person?"  Is 'letting go' divorcing him?  I'm not sure. 
I think they are releasing him from the hospital today.  Yesterday after the boys left, I pretty much stayed in bed all day, eating and watching movies. And, praying for some STRENGTH.
I'm just tired of caring.  Does that make me a bad person?  It's hard to draw the line of being supportive without caring. When does he hit rock bottom?  I so thought he would take care of himself after me taking the other two dogs, and selling our home.  But, I was wrong.  He says he misses me and the dogs.  He is due to retire in April.  What's a person to do......
I have no answers.


Anonymous said...

No answers, just wish you strength


Karen said...

There are some good quotes there. I wish you all the best with your dilemma. So hard to love a person and watch them self destruct. I have no advice to give. I think that you have it figured out, but that does not make it any easier. Let us hope that Wayne chooses to see the light and take the right path. April will be here soon. I hope Wayne gets his shit together and revives the person you first loved. All the very best, you deserve it. xxx