If someone puts crap in your coffee, you don't have to drink it. I always liked that particular saying.
My second trip to Green Valley this year was necessary. I knew Wayne was in trouble 'health wise.' I knew that when I saw him in December and January. I'm so glad I made the trip again in March. His first words were, "Thank God you're here. I need help." I knew that. He went into the hospital shortly thereafter and stayed for a week. They diuresed some 42 pounds of fluid off his body. Even at 59 years of age you aren't invincible. Lordy, thank goodness for his strong German genes on his mother's side. Anybody else would have croaked. It is imperative for him to understand that his diseases are lifelong 'chronic' diseases that have to be carefully managed.
My first two weeks there were a bit rocky and I questioned myself for even coming a couple of times. I am so glad I did. In my last post I said; No one is perfect, not me, not him, nor you. I have made mistakes that I wish I could have undone or preferably not even made earlier on in my life. Sometimes we put our own crap in our coffee and other times someone else does it for you. It's how you handle it.
Yes, my heart got crushed at Christmas. But, sometimes the person who is in the wrong is feeling more pain than the other person. I know, I know....it's the "nurse" in me. Anyway, I think we are on the right track now. I left after 3 weeks in California feeling good that my husband can care for himself. I don't think he wants to disappoint me or himself again. We had some good talks about the future, retirement, etc. I knew in my heart that he never wanted a divorce. And, in mine, also.
While he was in the hospital, I got MUCHO accomplished with the Green Valley house. It will go on the market April 20th. Wayne is due to retire March 7th on his birthday next year. We discussed what he will do if and when the house sells. Options are to rent a room close to work or keep the toy hauler and live in an RV place close to work. He can decide which he would rather do.
I feel confident in my heart, if he is able to properly care for himself and our relationship, we will be fine. I know he wants to retire here with me. And, I must admit, I love his humor, his love of animals and nature, plus, I have always been so attracted to him in a very good way. He must have good pheromones. :0)
Marriage is WORK. More work than working my sheepdogs, more work than anything I have ever done in my life. And, as friends have reminded me it's a 50/50 in the relationship department. No, I can't neuter him to make him more biddable, but I can "re-home" him if it is necessary. I've got my head screwed on pretty straight about what I want from the rest of my life. I hope he will be able to share his dreams with me. Time will tell.
You cannot control a person or the situation. They are separate people and have their own agenda. You can only control yourself and your behavior. I am keeping this foremost in my mind this year.
Thanks to all of our friends that have stood by us and supported me. My heart has mended. I'm okay. Now, I pray he will be okay. Because I would really love Wayne to enjoy this little piece of paradise here, with me, in Sequim.