a blog about Kilt and her kids plus Trouble our JRT mascot.

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Sequim, Washington, United States

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Ohmmmmm

http://www.dailyom.com/cgi-bin/courses/mycourses.cgi

I'm now taking the above course every morning for the whole year called A Year To Clear What Is Holding You Back.  365 daily lessons.  Really not too much more than my Buddha/Dahli quote apps.  Though, you can put stuff out to a discussion group if you so desire. If you haven't figured me out yet, I do all of that stuff.  Then I try to meditate to the singing bowls on Fridays, Drumming once a month, and painting on Tuesdays, and volunteering at the Chamber of Commerce on Wednesdays at the Visitor Information Center.

I am taking care of four dogs (2 of them aged) along with five acres and my house by myself with a little help from handymen here and there.  And, still trying to take care of ME, too!  I have legs of STEEL because I live on a hill.  I don't need to be ordering a 'thigh master' anytime in the near future.
I do need to find some part time work though.

I do not hear from Wayne.  He has decided to live his life the way he wants to, whatever that may include or not include.  I do know this.  It doesn't include me.  I texted him and asked if he sent the roses with the Guess Who? on the card.  I told him all he had to say was yes or no.  I have heard nothing.  Go figure.

Still a bit stressful since we have a rental home in Shelton that has been poorly property managed with addicts in it.  Ugh. The place is a disaster.  We need to fix it up and get on the market for a quick sale as is.....It's a stressor.  I just want to be done with it.

I'd like to get the Green Valley house on the market.  I really don't know what Wayne thinks about that until I surprise him with another visit this March.  This time I will be staying for a bit longer.  If you don't think ALL of this is difficult when the other married partner refuses to talk, well, think again.  It is a living HELL.  That's why I meditate and keep myself as busy as possible.

You may think that I'm crazy for putting some of my cards out on the public table and that's okay. I can guarantee you that my full hand is NOT up for view.  Someone may be going through something similar and I hope they will take away some hope from me.  It's the nurse in me.  The main thing is not to blame yourself.  Some men in my life have said to me, "What did you expect him to do?  You up and abandoned him." This is what I have to say to that: Bullshit.

Oh, so far from the truth.  But, let them think what they want to think.  I think 3 things in life are very important.  Your health, contentment with your life, and faithfulness in a relationship.  So far I'm good for two out of three.  I still have my health and I have never been as content in my life as living here in Sequim.

I am not trialling my BCs this year due to a lack of funds. I'm also not in the competitive mode at the moment.   People get a little intense about sheepdog trialling. It's always been just FUN for me.  I just like to team up with my dog. Period.  And, my dogs don't care if they miss a year of trialling.  I can always go to socialize or help out to feel included.

I thank everyone for being so kind.  Lots of love out there.  I feel it every day.  We are always in constant change whether we want it or not.  Some change is good; some is Bleh.  But, life goes on.

I can't change what has happened and I try not to worry about what might happen.
The future depends on the present.
The present is the power of NOW.

Peace.

This is my Pop and me in Florida.  He painted on the walls of my bedroom" 
"Enjoy life to the fullest.
Do not wait.  
All too soon it will be gone." 

 "I'm right there with you Pop."






5 comments:

Karen said...

What a wonderful picture of you and your Pop!

K9 Chaos said...

Well I appreciate you sharing. It helps me. Dealing with lawyers and divorce after 15 years is hard. And in the middle of sorting out all the crap you still have to deal with your broken heart. I feel like mine has been ripped out of my chest. Sometimes it hurts so bad I can barely breathe. I gave up my career and didn't work for the last 10 years because he didn't want me to. I fought it at first but chose to put my marriage first....and then he just walked out, said he "wasn't in love with my anymore". I have never felt so utterly alone and confused as I have this past 6 months. I can't make a decision to save my life. I make one and then second guess myself and change my mind. I'm physically and mentally empty. Due to a bad case of valley fever when I was 20 I am diabetic and have lung damage. I also have sticky platelet syndrome, fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, and now it looks like I might have lupus or something similar. (At least they ruled out MS). This is all part of the reason my husband walked out I think....he was tired of dealing with all the medical stuff. I don't know what to do at this point. I have the two dogs (BC's) because he didn't want them which was fine because I didn't really trust him to take care of them. Although he did replace them with a new dog 2 weeks after I moved out of our house. I'm sure I was replaced sooner though.....he was cheating and it wasn't the first time. I guess it's for the best but it sure doesn't feel like it right now. Lawyers take a lot of money but there is no other way. I gave him the house and everything in it except my clothes and I took my truck. I don't really know why I'm telling you all of this other than to just say it to someone and let you know you're not alone in "crappy situation" department. You seem at lot more together than I am at this point. One minute I want a safe place to live with my dogs and just lick my wounds and the next I want to just hit the road and travel. We live in a small town so I see my husband EVERYWHERE and he is one of the Battalion Cheifs for the fire dept. so he is always around. And it hurts everytine I see him. But to just take off would be crazy right? I never traveled very far alone, I don't know if I could do it....just me (and all my medical problems) and two dogs?? Crazy? Most of the people I know think so. But then most of the people I know are married or have kids, or both....I'm 42, the age where everyone is busy raising their families.....everyone except me. Anyway you should probably just delete this and ignore the rambling crazy who's only reason to get up in the morning is to take care of the dogs but there is no one else to do it. I pray that things get easier for you and that the stuff you have to deal with goes smoothly. Take care, and safe travels.

gvmama said...

I'm glad you shared K9 Chaos. That would kill me to be in the same town. Everytime you see your ex it's like stabbing yourself over and over. I am lucky in that I am 1000 miles away. I would like you to clink on the link at the top of my page and take the Self Sabotage course. I am taking that also for 8 weeks and it's affordable at $10. I also have daily health problems deriving from my previous bout with cancer. But, almost everyone does in one respect or another. Exercise, change of diet, meditation and support from friends and groups is very important.
Personally, since you have no children involved, I would MOVE to give yourself a new lease on life! YOU can do it. Crazy...I think not! Give yourself a fresh start! Wishing you better health and healing. Hugs.

K9 Chaos said...

Thanks for the reply. I have decided {and many agree including you =) } that I'm going to move. I don't know where to go, have absolutely no idea but I'm going to start checking it out and see what's out there. Anyone has any suggestions speak up please! =)

Hiking is a big help for me. I like to stay active and I've always eaten really good. I don't want to be on meds so I manage myself with diet, exercise, and TRYING to control my stress. Lately the stress is eating me alive! I thought we were nearing the end of everything...we had agreed on it all without going to court and I just needed to get through the next 4-6 months of having a lawyer deal with separating out the retirement stuff....but then my husband called to inform me he was getting a lawyer because he doesn't want to have to pay out on spousal support, etc. After I gave him the house and everything in it he decided he doesn't want to follow through with our agreement...the ink isn't even dry on the court papers! So more money in court costs, lawyers, etc. Seems like such a waste to me.

But on a better note I looked up that course and I still might take it, but I was out the library and I looked up Debbie Ford who teaches the course and got a book she wrote called Spiritual Divorce....it is awesome I think. She takes you through lots of steps to healing your mind and spirit during and after divorce. It involves a lot of action steps of self reflection and journaling along with a little meditation. It is a big help so far. So thanks for leading me to that...I had never heard of her before.

Hope you are doing well. Thanks again for the encouragement and suggestions...these days I need all of that I can get! Have a wonderful weekend!

gvmama said...

Send me your email...sorry, I forgot your name. I'm coming your way in March. We should get together :)