a blog about Kilt and her kids plus Trouble our JRT mascot.

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Sequim, Washington, United States

Monday, August 20, 2012

Getting older....

is most definitely not for sissies.
My Pop used to say that all of the time. 
I took 9 days off for the La Camas trial this year and ended up spending a good deal of the time making appointments with doctors and dentists.  You know your vacation sucks when you have to make an appt. for a colonoscopy, a new crown, and a pelvic/abdominal CT with contrast.  Yuck!  I'd rather walk over hot coals with my bare feet.
Yes, I'm grateful that I am still in remission from anal cancer, but damn, if I have to take that prep one more time...I could puke just thinking about it.  People tell me, "Gosh, you are so lucky that you didn't have any difficulties with your cancer diagnosis.  HA!  I'm just not a whiner. Sure, chemo and radiation were a walk in the park  Oh yeah....doubtful.  Tears running down my face during radiation with blisters all over my private parts.  Every 4 mos. of having to take preps and being scoped.  Thank God for small favors...now it is every 6 mos.
But, I am thankful that I still am in remission.   I'm coming up on 4 years.  Not a day doesn't go by that I don't think that "my time may be up."  If the cancer comes back...chemo and radiation are not options.  Not a nice thing to live with.  But, I will tell you...it makes you live EVERY day to the fullest!
I may be headed towards hospice nursing.  I have such compassion for cancer patients and their families.  My tolerance for chronic pain patients and psychiatric cases is lessening these days.  It's hard for me to muster up empathy for them.  Most of them are unable to help themselves.  I understand that, but it just isn't my cup of tea. 
It's difficult to take care of a person ie. with lung cancer in one bed who isn't complaining about anything.  More likely they are riddled with fear while trying to breath and cope with their diagnosis.  And, in the next bed you have a  person addicted to pain killers for chronic back pain who is on the call light every minute for their meds and are willing to do very little for themselves.  They want someone to take care of them.  Like...who would you rather spend time with?  No brainer.
Maybe, I have lost a little of my compassion...it's possible.  I love my profession.  I always say not a day goes by that I don't learn something new.  Right now the money I make for a couple days a week at work is enough to pay the mortgage and for my dogs.  Maybe, when I think about retiring, I will think about making the move to hospice care.  That's the wonderful aspect of nursing.  There are so facets to choose from.....  I know I would be a great hospice nurse. :0)

I leave you with this note....
Some of us want a new house, a new dog, a new car, a new mobile phone, to lose weight......
But, someone battling cancer wants just one thing....
to win the battle.

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