It makes me wonder with sadness about war, about corruption, and brutality. It makes me question my own existence. I am sure I have helped many sick and frightened people in my profession. But, I feel that it has not been enough. I know not to mourn the past, but to stay in the present. One can only change in the present.
I am happy that I am healthy enough to volunteer and give back during these later, retired years. I am so much wiser about people now in my later years. We are all so different. I think we all have something special to add to this world. It's just that many never find that path, their true calling.
I was one of those fortunate kids that came from a loving home who knew at the tender age of 5 yrs old what her calling would be later in life. Though, I tried hard to find other paths before it was truly evident that I would care for other people. During my mid teens I wanted to give my life to religion. That became a dilemma because I never had a concrete vision as to "whom" is our creator. To this day, I believe in "something" greater than myself. I'm just not sure what that something else is.....
The older I get, the more thankful I have become for my life and the choices I have made. I have always been interested in world religions and different cultures. I think that is part of the reason I loved bedside nursing. Not a day went by where I didn't learn something new, if not about disease process, then about compassion, and of course about the many different behaviors that make up our society. The good, the bad, and the ugly. To understand is to forgive.
Nor does a day goes by that I don't take time to reflect inwardly. I try to make every day count, not just for myself, but for others, too. I hope that if I get a second chance at life, as in reincarnation, I will come back less selfish. It requires discipline. Heaven only knows, that's a weak spot in my make-up. There have been many times in my life that I wanted to give away all of my possessions and live for a month upon a mountain top.
I could never quite convince my husband about that last above statement. I'd tell him, "Let's have an open house and give away everything we have accumulated." He was like, "Are you nuts?" I was dead serious. I still accumulate material 'things' and still try to decrease the accumulation. I guess that makes me human. But, I'd like to do better if there is a "next" time.
If you get anything out of this rambling blog today, reflect, and ask yourself what you might do to make this world a better place, even if it is just to give someone else today a great big smile.