Jet...you had the right idea. We should have just stayed in bed today.
As I was almost out the door this morning to see the orthopedic...checking up on my Achilles heel tendonitis and a cyst on my wrist, the phone rang. It was my brother. Pop wasn't doing well. They had hospice at the house. Dad has received about 7 sessions of radiation to his skin cancer on his cheek. Jim and Linda said he has been doing well. As a nurse I never thought much about radiation either. Chemo always seemed to be the dreaded cancer treatment. I know better. I have had both. I thought the radiation would kill me. I knew even though Jim and Linda said Pop was doing well there was a good chance that it would hit him like a ton of bricks. It did. They found him on the bathroom floor several days ago at 2 a.m. Thankfully, they are light sleepers. They got Pop back to bed, but he he was almost comatose for another day. He couldn't dress himself, feed himself, nada....zero. This morning he snapped to and seemed to be close to his norm. Hospice was at the house. It is time. He is almost 95 years old.
Before leaving the house, I received the hospice information via email. I signed the papers since I am Pop's health care surrogate. I spoke with the hospice nurse. My wishes for my father is that he be kept comfortable and be able to die in his own home. The one thing I still regret was that my mother died in a hospital. Yes, I was with her. But, I knew she wanted to be home looking out over the Indian river from her bedroom. Everything happened so fast. By the time I arrived in Florida, I thought it would be too stressful to try to move her back to home. Before she died, she said, "I love you. I love all of you." I laid my head in her lap and she died very peacefully. But, deep in my soul, I wished that she had been in her own home.
I stopped at this pond after my visit with the ortho doc to meditate. I am so very fortunate in that my brother and sister-in-law live with Dad in Florida. They take unbelievably wonderful care of him. My father is the dearest person in the world. I can't imagine life without him. But, we all have to endure the pain of losing loved ones. I'm just so glad he has lived a long and rich life.
I meditate a lot. It keeps my sanity. When I find it difficult to clear my thoughts, I just flow with it and reflect. Reflection makes me feel so blessed.
I'd like to drive to this pond and see the lights and the trees lit up at night. Maybe I will talk Wayne into that tomorrow evening. I bet it is so pretty. I wonder if the Ducks all hide in the reeds or if some swim around with the lights reflecting on their pond? I'll have to find out.
Life goes on.