a blog about Kilt and her kids plus Trouble our JRT mascot.

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Sequim, Washington, United States

Tuesday, March 18, 2014


One of my Zen apps that chimes at 8 AM every morning discussed the feeling of 'uncertainty.'  I bookmarked it to read further during my lunch break at work.  Uncertainty surely describes my life at this time and moment.

"When you step into ambiguity and uncertainty, when you surround yourself essentially with uncertainty without a life jacket, you still need to have a foundation, a core, a center.  Even though you may not know the exact path you are taking to get where you want to go, you have to have a keel that keeps you centered.  Spiritual practice helps me find that keel."

I am getting ready to leave a job I love after 30 years ( with no pension).  I am going to try to live on a fixed income.  I still need to find a home for my 5 sheep.  I'm not sure when we will put our California house up for sale.  My husband is remaining, for an indefinite period of time, in California while I take all of the dogs to go live in Washington.

Worst of the uncertainty is Wayne's health.  He has been ill for 3 months.  But, just like a man, he has suffered until he can't bare it any longer. This morning he has finally surrendered himself to the ER.  I'm unsure of the outcome.
How do I handle it?  Prioritize.  Meditate.  Look at all of the blessings in my life.  Be happy that I got up today.  Even though I would like to strangle my spouse (for not caring for his health), he is my number one concern.

"Changes in environment, culture, and the people who guide and inform your creation process can make a tremendous difference in the way you experience the journey.  But, at some point, you need to stop looking for solutions outside yourself and turn your attention inward.  Cultivating a daily personal practice helps steel you against the fear and anxiety that come from embracing uncertainty, risk, and exposure to judgement.  It also significantly ramps up your cognitive function, ability to come up with ideas, and general state of mind while fostering a sense of equanimity in the face of what is at times a raging creation storm."

I have learned to "pivot."  One path may not be working for me, so I will try another path.  If I run into a ditch, I pivot and look for a new direction.  The one thing I was blessed with at  birth is an extraordinary amount of "positiveness."  Sometimes even while blogging, I can come up with new avenues of direction.

Centering myself with my best buddy, Jet. :0)


Karen said...

You are a 'cup half full' person, as I am myself. That will go a long way to helping you get through this.

I hope Wayne's health concerns turn out to be minor.

I'm surprised there is no pension from your job:(

Keeping positive thoughts for you, and sending virtual hugs. Karen

gvmama said...

Most hospitals in the last couple of decades have set up retirement funds such as 401's or 403b plans, but I think the public doesn't know that a good majority of hospitals offer NO pensions and NO health insurance to their nurses.

Anonymous said...

I'm curious .. which Zen apps do you use?

gvmama said...

Daily Buddha Inspirations and Zen Habits. You can put your own pictures to the sayings. If a saying doesn't strike a chord on how you're feeling, move on to the next. On the Zen app, if something hits home with me like "uncertainty" you can read more about it. They may even suggest reading material for you to delve in even deeper :0)